Author: Mayur Gudka (Page 1 of 3)

Stop Telling Children Not to Get Angry

If you have children you already know that children make it their life’s mission to do exactly what you tell them not to do. While I understand telling a child not to get angry is an exercise in futility, there is a better reason why we should not tell children not to get angry.

Anger is an emotion. Controlling one’s feelings so you don’t allow yourself to express that emotion is a recipe for disaster.

I know. For I did this (not expressing emotions) for decades till one day I figured out that it was one of the dumbest thing I could ever do.

Rather than controlling the expression of anger, let’s help them understand it, and show them how to channel it in a better direction. Anger is a force, a destructive energy by its very nature, unless you mold it and learn how to harness it for growth and productivity. The Chinese call it “Chi” or “Qi”. If you don’t like the direction its flowing in, mold it and send it in a different direction.

So rather than telling children to stop getting angry, provide them a framework to process that anger.

Here’s a basic framework to get started:

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What Scares Me

Cancer can be a b****. It will hurt you, physically and emotionally. It will scar your loved ones for life. It will shed your hair, your weight, and fill your belly with water. It’ll travel all over your body eating it from within, one bite at a time. But cancer does not scare me. For the most that will happen is I will die. I will still have my ability to think, speak, remember and recollect all my memories till the day I die.

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On God, Faith and Religion

Disclaimer – The purpose of this post is not to offend anyone, but rather to cause all to think.

Question all that you are taught about god, religion and faith.

Not because god, faith and religion are faulty, no.

But because there are far too many faults with those teaching them.

While many tout their virtues unabashedly, few practice them religiously.

All religions have a singular purpose – To provide peace of mind.

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9 Questions to Ask before Buying a Stock

Here are 9 questions to ask before buying a stock.

  1. What is good about this company?
  2. What are the risks associated with this company?
  3. What is the likelihood of each risk coming true? If so, what are the consequences of it?
  4. What is the company doing to mitigate these risks?
  5. What does the future of the company look like?
  6. Does the management possess integrity, honesty and intelligence?
  7. What is the intrinsic value of this company?
  8. How much of a discount is the company currently selling for?
  9. How do I know I am correct in my assessment? What evidence do I have to backup my answers?
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Practice intentionally … daily.

When you create 100 things, 1 or 2 of those things may be fantastic. About 10 to 20 of them would be mediocre, and the rest would probably end up being bad. And that’s okay because it’s all part of the process. To create those fantastic things, you must go through the bad and mediocre. Simply because one never knows which of those 1 or 2 things will be fantastic. It could be towards the beginning of the 100 things you create, or the end, or the middle. No one knows till you create a large body of work, and then introspect on it.

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Some Thoughts on Special Education Advocacy

Hiring a Special Education Advocate who will stand up for your loves ones when they cannot is an amazing thing you can do for your children.

For those among us who are financially blessed, this is a good option. You voice your concerns to your advocate, and the advocate will ensure quality services are provided in a timely and appropriate manner.

However, not everyone is equally blessed financially. So, not everyone can afford to hire an advocate.

One thing that we all have is our voice.

Using our voice requires courage.

Courage can be difficult to muster often when most needed.

Using courage has two requirements – you cannot be timid, and you should be okay if someone dislikes you for standing up.

This usually isn’t a problem for people who have the knowledge and information to back up their beliefs, their concerns.

Knowledge helps build courage.

Become knowledgeable and use your voice to get the outcomes you need.

Knowing your rights and knowing how and when to exercise them is one of the most powerful things you can do when advocating for your loved ones.

The “Should Will Am Did” Cycle

I should be doing it.

I will do it.

I am doing it.

I did it.

Let’s read it again.

I should be doing it … is Awareness

I will do it … is Intention

I am doing it … is Action

I did it … is Accomplishment

Four Stages of Everything

These apply to brushing your teeth on the morning.

These apply to going through a certification audit at work.

These apply to getting married.

These apply to switching jobs or careers.

These apply to building a business.

These apply to literally everything … writing a book, creating music, taking a stroll down the road, anything.

Journeys between the stages

Distance between each stage is a journey.

In my experience, traveling from “Should” to “Will” is not that big of a journey.

Traveling from “Will” to “Am” takes a long time. This is all about mental preparedness. If one is not mentally prepared to take this journey, this journey will never happen. The cycle is stuck at the corner of “Will” and “Am”.

Traveling from “Am” to “Did” is about persistence, consistency, intelligence and hard work. For a few lucky ones, this is a breeze. For the rest of us, it takes longer.

The beginning part of this journey is usually an uphill, without the upcoming downhill in sight. The terrain is rocky, and weather can be unpredictable. Yet, once you get through the initial bumps, the clouds move aside, and the ride becomes pleasant and fulfilling.

That’s when you get to the “Did” stage.

The “Did” stage is also a Decision stage. Do you stay and bask in your glory, or do you venture onto another journey?

I think this idea has the potential to turn into a book. Still mulling over it.


Three Questions for Personal Growth

Assessment is a critical part of any personal improvement framework.

Reflection is a wonderful assessment tool.

Weekly reflections on actions and their results is a good habit to form.

It’s not something I do on a regular basis, even though I know I should be doing it.

While I continue to improve on this habit, it’s also a habit I’d like my children to develop.

But, you can’t get granular with children. It just doesn’t work that way. Even with adults, it can get tedious after a while. With their short attention spans you just can’t be too granular on topics like this. Especially if you want to continue doing this in the long run.

Rather, I feel the assessment should be of very high level with kids.

I’ve come up with three simple questions I’m going to start using with my kids on a weekly basis, preferably Sunday evenings.

Here they are:

Question 1 – What have you completed?

Question 2 – What have you improved upon?

Question 3 – What have you failed at?

The first questions is about progress, second is about growth, and third is about experimentation.

They’re all critical components of personal growth. You can’t have growth without experimentation, and you can’t have progress without growth. Oh, and without progress life just becomes a hamster wheel … doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results.

One last thought.

Celebrate! Regardless of the answers they give, Celebrate! Celebrate not just their successes or failures, but celebrate your kids for their courage, their resilience, their grit, celebrate them for just being kids.

The Culture of More

The culture of more is wrong.

The culture of more is right.

Both statements are accurate … depending on our focus.

What are we focusing the “More” on?

Is it More Money? More Cars? More Houses? More Family Time? More Vacations? More Conversations with Friends? More Sports? More Community Service? More Dining Out? More Movies? More Reading Books? More WHAT?

The “Focus on More” in turn depends on our personal values and priorities in life.

And, that is where we invest/squander our resources.

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