Category: Mental Growth (Page 1 of 2)

Stop Telling Children Not to Get Angry

If you have children you already know that children make it their life’s mission to do exactly what you tell them not to do. While I understand telling a child not to get angry is an exercise in futility, there is a better reason why we should not tell children not to get angry.

Anger is an emotion. Controlling one’s feelings so you don’t allow yourself to express that emotion is a recipe for disaster.

I know. For I did this (not expressing emotions) for decades till one day I figured out that it was one of the dumbest thing I could ever do.

Rather than controlling the expression of anger, let’s help them understand it, and show them how to channel it in a better direction. Anger is a force, a destructive energy by its very nature, unless you mold it and learn how to harness it for growth and productivity. The Chinese call it “Chi” or “Qi”. If you don’t like the direction its flowing in, mold it and send it in a different direction.

So rather than telling children to stop getting angry, provide them a framework to process that anger.

Here’s a basic framework to get started:

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On God, Faith and Religion

Disclaimer – The purpose of this post is not to offend anyone, but rather to cause all to think.

Question all that you are taught about god, religion and faith.

Not because god, faith and religion are faulty, no.

But because there are far too many faults with those teaching them.

While many tout their virtues unabashedly, few practice them religiously.

All religions have a singular purpose – To provide peace of mind.

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Practice intentionally … daily.

When you create 100 things, 1 or 2 of those things may be fantastic. About 10 to 20 of them would be mediocre, and the rest would probably end up being bad. And that’s okay because it’s all part of the process. To create those fantastic things, you must go through the bad and mediocre. Simply because one never knows which of those 1 or 2 things will be fantastic. It could be towards the beginning of the 100 things you create, or the end, or the middle. No one knows till you create a large body of work, and then introspect on it.

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The “Should Will Am Did” Cycle

I should be doing it.

I will do it.

I am doing it.

I did it.

Let’s read it again.

I should be doing it … is Awareness

I will do it … is Intention

I am doing it … is Action

I did it … is Accomplishment

Four Stages of Everything

These apply to brushing your teeth on the morning.

These apply to going through a certification audit at work.

These apply to getting married.

These apply to switching jobs or careers.

These apply to building a business.

These apply to literally everything … writing a book, creating music, taking a stroll down the road, anything.

Journeys between the stages

Distance between each stage is a journey.

In my experience, traveling from “Should” to “Will” is not that big of a journey.

Traveling from “Will” to “Am” takes a long time. This is all about mental preparedness. If one is not mentally prepared to take this journey, this journey will never happen. The cycle is stuck at the corner of “Will” and “Am”.

Traveling from “Am” to “Did” is about persistence, consistency, intelligence and hard work. For a few lucky ones, this is a breeze. For the rest of us, it takes longer.

The beginning part of this journey is usually an uphill, without the upcoming downhill in sight. The terrain is rocky, and weather can be unpredictable. Yet, once you get through the initial bumps, the clouds move aside, and the ride becomes pleasant and fulfilling.

That’s when you get to the “Did” stage.

The “Did” stage is also a Decision stage. Do you stay and bask in your glory, or do you venture onto another journey?

I think this idea has the potential to turn into a book. Still mulling over it.


Three Questions for Personal Growth

Assessment is a critical part of any personal improvement framework.

Reflection is a wonderful assessment tool.

Weekly reflections on actions and their results is a good habit to form.

It’s not something I do on a regular basis, even though I know I should be doing it.

While I continue to improve on this habit, it’s also a habit I’d like my children to develop.

But, you can’t get granular with children. It just doesn’t work that way. Even with adults, it can get tedious after a while. With their short attention spans you just can’t be too granular on topics like this. Especially if you want to continue doing this in the long run.

Rather, I feel the assessment should be of very high level with kids.

I’ve come up with three simple questions I’m going to start using with my kids on a weekly basis, preferably Sunday evenings.

Here they are:

Question 1 – What have you completed?

Question 2 – What have you improved upon?

Question 3 – What have you failed at?

The first questions is about progress, second is about growth, and third is about experimentation.

They’re all critical components of personal growth. You can’t have growth without experimentation, and you can’t have progress without growth. Oh, and without progress life just becomes a hamster wheel … doing the same thing repeatedly expecting different results.

One last thought.

Celebrate! Regardless of the answers they give, Celebrate! Celebrate not just their successes or failures, but celebrate your kids for their courage, their resilience, their grit, celebrate them for just being kids.

Two Choices

Can you imagine what advice you would give to yourself, the day you graduated?

I wondered that this morning. Here’s what I wrote.

Congratulations on your graduation!

Life begins now. You’ll be presented with two choices every morning.

  1. Go through the day.
  2. Live the day.

The good of it – You’re in control of this choices.

The bad of it – If you don’t decide, you automatically choose the first option.

Neither decision is right or wrong. It’s simply YOUR decision.

I hope you have the courage to follow your heart.

Here’s a secret:

Day becomes much easier, if you make that decision before you get out of bed.

Romancing with an Idea vs. Loving the Act

My 6-year-old loves the library. She diligently visits it bi-weekly and checks out 5-6 books per visit. At home, she keeps the books on her writing desk. Two weeks later, she returns them to the library and repeats the cycle. While at home, the books simply sit on her desk. She never opens them.

Ask her if she likes reading books, and she’ll always answer in affirmative. She loves books, and she means to read every single one of them. Yet, she simply does not.

Let me rephrase. The idea of reading books is very romantic to her. Yet, she does not because the love for reading (the act) is not there yet.

Going to gym is a wonderful idea. Millions sign-up on January 1st, each year. Yet, come February … you know what happens. The idea of going to the gym is very romantic. But the act of exercising, is not very lovable.

At our home, we buy fresh fruits and vegetables every week. We also throw away a bunch of rotten fruits and vegetables every week. Again … the idea of eating fresh, healthy vegetables is very romantic. But the act of preparing meals with them, is not very lovable.

I was oblivious to this difference all my life. And because of that, I’ve put myself through too much heartache. Just because I’d find the idea romantic, I’d sign up for it and soon regret it. However, because I’d committed to it, I’d go through it regardless while being miserable throughout the entire experience. Running was one of them. I quickly discovered I’m not the runner type.

Martial Arts on the other hand … now that’s an idea I not only find romantic, but thoroughly enjoy practicing and improving.

Decision time. Now that I finally understand the difference between the two, I’m going to stop committing to every idea that seems romantic at the outset. Rather, I’ll give it a short test run to see if I love the act. If I don’t, the idea does not get my commitment, or my resources.

This simple idea will allow me to have many experiences, but only be committed to those I truly enjoy.

Someone pointed out that if I stuck with an act long enough, and showed discipline, it may just work out.

I somewhat agree. While an act requires discipline for one to be successful at it, I believe enjoyment of the act is a prerequisite. If I don’t enjoy it, I’m unable to be disciplined at it.

Have you had experiences where you were miserable? Did the idea of doing it seem romantic? Yet, the actual act was anything but?

100 Hours

Magic happens when you combine hard work with discipline and intelligence.

100 hours is what I was thinking about this morning.

What can you accomplish if you had 100 hours?

If you give a project, or an idea 10 hours a week for 10 weeks, that’s 100 hours … how much progress would one make?

10 hours a week seem too much? That’s 2 hours a day, an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening, Monday to Friday.

What about 50 hours? 5 hours a week for 10 weeks? That’s one hour a day working on a personal project, or an idea. The weekends are still free.

52 weeks in a year. If one takes 10 weeks at a stretch, works on an idea and takes three weeks off to relax and rejuvenate, and continues the cycle, that would equal to 4 large projects with 3 weeks of relaxation between each.

Theoretically this makes sense. Practically, it’s a test about discipline.

I’m going to give it a shot. My discipline muscle needs a lot of work. This would be a good experiment. Will see what happens.

Inner Scorecard

We all need a compass of values, the ones we set for ourselves, not because they look good to others, but because we believe in them wholeheartedly, and then we need to let that compass guide our actions in life.

Warren Buffett has a term for it – Inner Scorecard.

Problems arise when we do things to conform to other people’s expectations of us. That’s dumb living. Also, a source of great many of our problems.

Rather, why not act, live, and conform to only those standards that we set for ourselves. If we believe something should not be done, let’s not do it. Vice versa, if we believe something should be done, avoid it at all costs. It’s not going to be easy. There may be a lot of opposition. So what? When all is said and done, we’ll be proud because we lived up to our own standards, not to those dictated by others.

It takes courage to go against the tide, to dance to one’s own rhythm. It’s going to be hard, but we’ll figure it out.

For, that is the only way to truly live. It leads to a satisfied life. Rest is all a show, perception manipulation, for the sake of ego and status to impress others.

I’m still working on this myself, and I’m years away from where I would like to be. If you understand this post, and decide to implement the idea, start small and go easy on yourself. The transformation can take years, maybe decades. No need to beat ourselves up. Change takes time. Recognize that. The important thing is the direction of our movement. Speed comes later.

Yeah, I know this post got a little heavy, but those are today’s thoughts.

It’s something to meditate on, and work on it for a long time.

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